In the GRM, we use this definition of forgiveness: Giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday.
Regardless of their religious upbringing, many people have firmly held beliefs about what forgiveness means or how or when it should be given. To try to start with a clean slate of the meaning of forgiveness, we present our definition with the question, “Can you go back and change whatever happened that hurt you?” The obvious answer is “no;” you can’t go back and change anything. So giving up the hope that it will change may help some to be more likely to offer forgiveness based on that definition.
Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s an action based on the verb to forgive. As such, it is one of the key tools in the GRM for moving beyond loss. Forgiveness does not mean minimizing or condoning the event or action that was hurtful. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean we need to reconcile with the one who hurt us; or that we even like them. Forgiveness isn’t for the one who offended us - it is for us.
Forgiveness is us letting go of the hurt that’s held us back. Forgiveness liberates us. Forgiveness is a choice we make and can be powerful and liberating.