Sometimes grievers remember their loved ones as perfect and without fault, or they remember them as always bad, wrong, or evil. These are referred to as enshrinement or bedevilment. Neither is typically true of any of us or our loved ones.
Every relationship typically has both positive and negative characteristics that appear on a relationship graph as lines above the horizontal line (positive) and below the horizontal line (negative). To encourage emotional honesty and avoid enshrinement or bedevilment, grievers are encouraged to find at least two above-the-line and two below-the-line events on a relationship graph. These don’t have to be extreme but simply the “little nice things someone did” or the “little things that someone did that irritated you.”
When one enshrines or bedevils a person, there is a lack of emotional honesty that will prevent a griever from truly identifying the undelivered communications that need to be delivered.